Wife Speak to
English Dictionary

from an Unknown Author*

WIFE SPEAK PHRASING:

ENGLISH TRANSLATION:

You want. You want.
We need. I want.
It's your decision. The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want. You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk. I need to complain.
Sure...go ahead. I don't want you to.
I'm not upset. Of course I'm upset, you moron.
You're...so manly. You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight. Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional!  And I'm not overreacting! I'm on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient. I want a new house.
I want new curtains. ...and carpeting, and furniture...
I need wedding shoes. The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
Hang the picture there. No, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise. I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute. Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? [Too late, your dead.]
No. No.
Maybe. No.
Yes. No.
I'm sorry. You'll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe? It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
I'M NOT YELLING! Yes, I am yelling because I think this is important.

In answer to "What's Wrong?"

The same old thing. Nothing.
Nothing. Everything.
Everything. My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really. It's just that you're an asshole.
I don't want to talk about it. Go away, I'm still building up steam.

* Over the years, this piece has appeared in various forms online with no mention of its origin.  A check of Google's UseNet archives has revealed that it may have first appeared on the net in an alt.humor thread of November 5, 1991.  The initial post from a user named Johnson mentions that he was drawing from something even older.  It has since evolved as a collaborative effort.
 
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