The Annotated Thermometer
Original Author Unknown
Embellished by Many

140 F.
(60 C.)
Cockroaches display their evolutionary superiority over man.
(Some women believe this true at any temperature).
120 F.
(48.9 C.)
You arrive in Death Valley for your two week camping trip.
Cool day in Hell.
110 F.
(43.3 C.)
Too hot to think.
Canadians evaporate.
100 F.
(37.8 C.)
Arizonans turn on their swamp coolers.
Eggs cook on sidewalks.
90 F.
(32.2 C.)
Californians turn on their air conditioners
(except in San Francisco, where no one installs them).
Wisconsinites head for the north woods.
80 F.
(26.7 C.)
Californians go swimming.
Minnesotans turn on their fans.
70 F.
(21.1 C.)
Lower end of comfort zone for Sun Belt Denizens.
Canadians consider joining nudist colonies.
Cat only comes in for food.
60 F.
(15.6 C.)
Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe).
50 F.
(10.0 C.)
Miami residents turn on the heat.
Wisconsinites plant gardens.
40 F.
(4.4 C.)
You can see your breath.
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Minnesotans go swimming.
35 F.
(1.7 C.)
Italian cars don't start.
32 F.
(0 C.)
Water freezes.
San Franciscans speak of L.A. favorably.
30 F.
(-1.1 C.)
You plan your vacation to Australia.
Minnesotans put on T-shirts.
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless.
British cars don't start.
25 F.
(-3.9 C.)
Boston water freezes.
Californians weep pitiably.
Minnesotans eat ice cream.
Canadians go swimming.
20 F.
(-6.7 C.)
You can hear your breath.
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless.
New York City water freezes.
Miami residents plan vacation further South.
15 F.
(-9.4 C.)
French cars don't start.
You plan a vacation in Mexico.
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
10 F.
(-12.2 C.)
Too cold to ski.
You need jumper cables to get the car going.
5 F.
(-15 C.)
You plan your vacation in Houston.
American cars don't start.
0 F.
(-17.8 C.)
Alaskans put on T-shirts.
Too cold to skate.
-10 F.
(-23.3 C.)
German cars don't start.
Eyes freeze shut when you blink.
-15 F.
(-26.1 C.)
You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects.
New York landlords turn on heat.
Miami residents cease to exist.
-20 F.
(-28.9 C.)
Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you.
Politicians actually do something about the homeless.
Minnesotans shovel snow off their roofs.
Japanese cars don't start.
-25 F.
(-31.7 C.)
Too cold to think.
You need jumper cables to get the driver going.
-30 F.
(-34.4 C.)
You plan a two week hot bath.
The Mighty Monongahela freezes.
Swedish cars don't start.
-40 F.
(-40 C.)
Californians disappear.
Minnesotans button top button.
Canadians put on sweaters.
Your car helps you plan your trip South.
-50 F.
(-45.6 C.)
Congressional hot air freezes.
The Green Bay Packers practice indoors.
Alaskans close the bathroom window.
-80 F.
(-62.2 C.)
Hell freezes over.
Polar bears move south.
Minnesotans look toward Wisconsin, thinking it MUST be warmer.
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