140° F.
(60° C.) |
Cockroaches display their evolutionary superiority over man.
(Some women believe this true at any temperature). |
120° F.
(48.9° C.) |
You arrive in Death Valley for your two week camping trip.
Cool day in Hell. |
110° F.
(43.3° C.) |
Too hot to think.
Canadians evaporate. |
100° F.
(37.8° C.) |
Arizonans turn on their swamp coolers.
Eggs cook on sidewalks. |
90° F.
(32.2° C.) |
Californians turn on their air conditioners
(except in San Francisco, where no one installs them).
Wisconsinites head for the north woods. |
80° F.
(26.7° C.) |
Californians go swimming.
Minnesotans turn on their fans. |
70° F.
(21.1° C.) |
Lower end of comfort zone for Sun Belt Denizens.
Canadians consider joining nudist colonies.
Cat only comes in for food. |
60° F.
(15.6° C.) |
Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their
wardrobe). |
50° F.
(10.0° C.) |
Miami residents turn on the heat.
Wisconsinites plant gardens. |
40° F.
(4.4° C.) |
You can see your breath.
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Minnesotans go swimming. |
35° F.
(1.7° C.) |
Italian cars don't start. |
32° F.
(0° C.) |
Water freezes.
San Franciscans speak of L.A. favorably. |
30° F.
(-1.1° C.) |
You plan your vacation to Australia.
Minnesotans put on T-shirts.
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless.
British cars don't start. |
25° F.
(-3.9° C.) |
Boston water freezes.
Californians weep pitiably.
Minnesotans eat ice cream.
Canadians go swimming. |
20° F.
(-6.7° C.) |
You can hear your breath.
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless.
New York City water freezes.
Miami residents plan vacation further South. |
15° F.
(-9.4° C.) |
French cars don't start.
You plan a vacation in Mexico.
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you. |
10° F.
(-12.2° C.) |
Too cold to ski.
You need jumper cables to get the car going. |
5° F.
(-15° C.) |
You plan your vacation in Houston.
American cars don't start. |
0° F.
(-17.8° C.) |
Alaskans put on T-shirts.
Too cold to skate. |
-10° F.
(-23.3° C.) |
German cars don't start.
Eyes freeze shut when you blink. |
-15° F.
(-26.1° C.) |
You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects.
New York landlords turn on heat.
Miami residents cease to exist. |
-20° F.
(-28.9° C.) |
Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you.
Politicians actually do something about the homeless.
Minnesotans shovel snow off their roofs.
Japanese cars don't start. |
-25° F.
(-31.7° C.) |
Too cold to think.
You need jumper cables to get the driver going. |
-30° F.
(-34.4° C.) |
You plan a two week hot bath.
The Mighty Monongahela freezes.
Swedish cars don't start. |
-40° F.
(-40° C.) |
Californians disappear.
Minnesotans button top button.
Canadians put on sweaters.
Your car helps you plan your trip South. |
-50° F.
(-45.6° C.) |
Congressional hot air freezes.
The Green Bay Packers practice indoors.
Alaskans close the bathroom window. |
-80° F.
(-62.2° C.) |
Hell freezes over.
Polar bears move south.
Minnesotans look toward Wisconsin, thinking it MUST be warmer. |
