Funny Written
Excuses from School

from Sharon and Nick Ryan*

DEAR TEACHER, Please exuse . . . 

Some school teachers lead an interesting life.  Sharon Ryan used to teach school in Beloit, Wisconsin, and while there, she collected (just for the heck of it) notes that parents sent to school with their children who had been absent from school.  Sharon's husband, Nick, former newscaster with Channel 9 in Wausau, recently sent a sampling of her collection to the Capital Times newspaper in Madison to share with its readers.  Here they are:

  1. Please excuse John from being absent on January 28, 29, 30, and 33.

  2. Marge could not come to school because she was bothered with very close veins.

  3. John has been absent from school because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

  4. Please excuse Gloria.  She had been sick and under the doctor.

  5. My son is under the doctors care and should not take P.E., please execute him.

  6. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday.  She was in bed with gramps.

  7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday as she had a gangover.

  8. Please exuse Joe Friday.  He had loose vowels.

  9. Please excuse Blanch from P.E. for a few days.  Yesterday, she fell out of a tree and misplaced her hip.

  10. Please excuse Joyce from Jim.  She is administrating.

  11. Carlos was absent from school yesterday, because he was playing football.  He hurt in the growing part.

  12. Please excuse Johnny for being.  It was his father's fault.

  13. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.

  14. Please excuse Diane from being absent yesterday.  She was in bed with gramps.

  15. Mary Ann was absent 11/15 because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach.  Her sister was also sick -- fever, sore throat.  Her brother had a low grade temp and a gall over.  I wasn't feeling the best either, sore throat, fever.  There must be the flu going around.  Even her farther got hot last night.

* Unconfirmed, but so claimed in a 1984 UseNet posting from Garry Daly, who appears to have been the first to post a credited version online.
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